Better Thinking

How can we become better thinkers?  How can we become better at understanding what we think?  How many of us ask ourselves why we believe certain things?  When asked to present at the Oregon Athletic Directors Conference, I decided to try something new.  Do people really think about how they make decisions and how they have come to believe what they do?  Thus, answering the above questions became my topic of choice.  Reflecting on the influencers that have led us to our current beliefs is fascinating, at least to me.  If we hope to understand others, we need to find the rationale of our own beliefs.

Have you ever asked yourself; “why do I believe that?”  If you are like most of us, we seldom actually reflect upon how we came to believe that something is true.  At times we all fail to even question if what we believe is actually true.  I have read Adam Grant’s book; Think Again.  Part of my discovery has been amplified by my desire to ask probing questions of others and now myself.  This action stems from my many years of teaching high school social studies.  I loved to ask tough questions and say things that I didn’t believe, all in an attempt to get my students to think more deeply about their own beliefs.  Could they justify their beliefs?  Were they open to hearing both sides of an issue?  Getting them to think critically was one of my main objectives in the classroom.  At some point, we all need to be challenged in our thinking.  If not, we become too accepting of those who control the narrative. 

I will come back to some methods to help you become a more discerning thinker in a bit.

First, we must accept that we all have biases.  Your biases may be different than mine, however we all have them.  If you don’t believe that, better thinking is probably not an avenue that you will explore with me. 

Secondly, we need to better understand why people believe what they do.  Some things that have influenced your current beliefs may include where you grew up, the schools you attended, political conversations, religious beliefs, your occupation, who you choose to associate with and my personal favorite; challenging teachers who you respected enough to listen to.  Take the example of these two characters.  Sonja grew up and went to school in Portland, Oregon.  She was raised in an environment where her parents let her make many of her own choices before adulthood.  She never really attended any kind of church.  After graduating college, she went to work as an elementary teacher in the San Francisco area.  She loves to hang out with other young people who spend their weekends at the park enjoying life.  Mike, our second character, grew up in rural Kansas.  He worked on the family farm as a kid getting up at 6am to do whatever it took to help the family.  His parents went to church every Sunday.  He and his three sisters went to the local university and obtained 4-year degrees.  All of them have returned to their hometown where they raise their kids and love to have Sunday dinner at their parents’ home.

These two people will most likely see the world differently.  Neither is right or wrong, they just differ on their views because of how they grew up, where they live and who they choose to associate with.

How do we get these Sonja and Mike to better understand each other?  How do we help them have civil conversations when their view of the world is very different?

Adam Grant would encourage all of us to “think like a scientist”.  Scientists are constantly questioning theories and beliefs to learn more.  Our problem is that we get emotionally attached to our beliefs.  As Mya Angelou would instruct: “do your best, and when you know better do better.”  This should be our mantra on thinking.  When you get more information about a topic, be willing to adjust your thoughts. Adjusting your thoughts exhibits a growth mindset.  Having a growth mindset may ultimately make life more enjoyable.  Think about it, if I am not attempting to convince people that they are wrong and convert them to my beliefs, I will have less stress in some of my relationships.  Less stress normally leads to increased happiness.

Here is a piece of advice that I hope everyone will at least ponder; you are not going to help people to re-think their position on any issue by telling them they are wrong!  When attack and tell people they are wrong, they get defensive and any kind of altering of their opinions is less likely to occur.   When we attack someone’s beliefs, we are challenging them as a person.  There will be no conversation.  You have most likely entrenched them even deeper into their point of view.  Never start with the assumption that they are wrong, and you are right.  Maybe ask yourself; “am I right?”  If so, “how do I know?”

What you do to be successful in thinking differently and building relationships is to ask great questions of someone.  These questions will help you better understand their thoughts and maybe why they have those thoughts.  In that conversation, you can ask more probing questions and thus many people will start to question their own thinking.  Now, if you are having a true conversation, you may get the opportunity to share some of your thoughts on a particular topic.  If you can take the emotion out of the conversation, as Grant asserts, people will think more logically.  Only through logical conversations will people be able to think better.  You may just find that while you wanted to bring someone to your way of thinking initially, it is you who have grown because you were willing to question your own thoughts.