Perspective Arrives
Perspective Changes When Cancer Arrives
The Kyle Stanfield Story
There is one thing in life that is always true, we never know what curve balls the universe will send our way. That is something Kyle Stanfield can attest to. He has lived with the truth of cancer daily since first being diagnosed in 2017. “Adversity does not build character-it reveals it.” This famous quote has been used by many since it was originally stated by James Lane Allen, a 19th century novelist. Kyle was thrust into discovering his true character upon receiving the news about his cancer. Kyle’s story is one of hope for so many that have endured the dark days of cancer.
Kyle is a graduate of Henley High School and Oregon State University. He has served as part of the OSAA executive team since 2007. Kyle married his wife Kelly back in 2013. She has taught elementary school for the past 17 years. Kyle and Kelly have two boys that are seven and six, just 20 months apart in age. Most of Kyle’s motivation to beat cancer is because of Kelly and the boys. He intends to have many more enjoyable years with his family.
Kyle has three main goals and commitments for his life: 1) tell the story of cancer to help others, 2) watch his boys graduate college and 3) outlive his parents. His perspective has become solidified through his battle with cancer. Adversity has revealed his tenacity to achieve his goals. Kyle would admit that he does see the world differently today than he once did. He has grown into a more caring person that has a huge amount of gratitude for each day.
Not all of those that are infected with cancer are so fortunate. Kyle had a friend, Robbie who lost his battle with cancer in 2020. Kyle and Robbie talked about the obligation to tell their stories, in the hope of helping others. It has taken Kyle until now to heed that request. He is now ready to share the lessons cancer has taught him with the world. Kyle has never asked “why me?” He has adopted the mantra of “why not me to be a survivor of cancer?” It is that attitude that has catapulted him onto the current survivor list.
Life-altering events teach us many things if we are reflective and open to those lessons. Below are a few lessons that Kyle has learned along his journey.
Lesson one, “be present in what is happening now.” Spending too much time worrying about the past or looking too far into the future is wasted energy. Being in the present means really being with people. Listen intently to them and be engaged in every conversation. Don’t worry about the email you should send. Don’t buy into the illusion that busy is a great thing. Do the important things, don’t constantly spend time on the urgent. The important things are what matter in the long run. Kyle exhibits this by prioritizing having dinner with Kelly and the boys each night unless he is on the road doing the business of the OSAA. He treasures the dinner time and knows that those special family times are not guaranteed. What if all of us improved at being in the moment with those around us each day as Kyle attempts to do?
Lesson two, “live each day with gratitude and appreciation.” We often hear stories of people that go through immensely difficult times and how those experiences aid them in gaining a heightened sense of gratitude. Kyle is a living example of this. He so appreciates conversing with the OSAA staff, athletic directors and even parents that sometimes can be difficult. Listening to everyone helps us appreciate their viewpoints. We may differ on those viewpoints, but Kyle is better at staying in the moment and understanding others because of his journey. He works very hard to not judge people. “We don’t know what they are going through”, he says. This makes him better at his job and with personal relationships. He stated that money really matters very little in the scope of life. He chooses to focus on the people in his life. He chooses to focus on what he can control. He can be in control of how he chooses to treat people. He does it with kindness and a smile on his face.
Lesson three, “fear, hope, and faith can coexist.” Kyle admitted to living in fear each day. Any time his back hurts or he feels tired, in the back of his mind the fear of cancer returns. Cancer weaves its’ way into all facets of your life and can be demoralizing some days. We cannot deny our fear, however it is best to face it. It cannot dictate everything we do. We cannot fear the “what ifs” of life, we rather need to take control of what we can and let the rest go. He takes that fear and turns it into hope. A hope that believes that the future will be better than the past. A hope that peoples’ lives can be better because we greet them with kindness, empathy, and a smile. Kyle has faith that things will turn out for his family. Kelly, the rock of the family, exhibits her persistence and steadfastness daily. As a family they exhibit hope and faith in an improved future.
Lesson four, “we are all replaceable.” Many of us invest our hearts and souls into our jobs or careers. This is admirable; however, what is the cost? Often, the cost is the damage we do to our personal relationships. The OSAA will find another Kyle when he leaves, as your place of work will move on from you at some point. It doesn’t mean he is advocating for not being a high performer at work. Rather, make sure you are not sacrificing those that are most important to you for money or your perceived importance in the workplace. Be willing to say no or not right now, when you know that your family is waiting to have dinner with you. That is exhibiting the correct priorities.
In closing, I deeply appreciate people like Kyle that are willing to share their story. If it helps one person to make better choices on what is truly important, it will be worth it. Kyle has chosen to share his fears and hopes with us. I have faith that we will take the lessons that cancer has taught him and infuse those lessons into our lives. The beneficiaries of our new actions will be the people we love the most. Live in the present, express gratitude, don’t let fear dictate your actions, be hopeful and prioritize your most intimate relationships over everything else.
We appreciate Kyle sharing his very personal story and allowing me to help spread his words of hope!
By Tom Bendt