Who Says You Can’t Go Home?
"Who Says You Can’t Go Home"
Several years ago, Bon Jovi released a song titled "Who Says You Can't Go Home." I remember hearing it while journeying back to my home state of South Dakota. Recently, we returned to reconnect with family and friends and the song wandered back into my brain. As I met with various people from my past, I reflected on what it is about our past that maintains a hold on us? What draws us to the relationships of our youth? Can we truly revisit the past and return home?
The primary purpose of the trip was to celebrate my parents' 60th wedding anniversary. I conversed with uncles, aunts, cousins, and family friends whom I hadn't seen in a decade. The last time was for my parents' 50th anniversary, and the next may be for their 70th! I hope my parents stay healthy so that party can happen. There is a familial connection, even if we're not deeply familiar with these relatives' daily lives. Despite potentially having little in common, we engaged in small talk, making the evening enjoyable. It was nice to see familiar faces. While the younger generation often refers to their "chosen family". A concept that I understand, respect, and seems to appeal to me when my relatives try my infinite patience. However, there's something distinct about blood relatives. I'm not implying that it's superior or inferior; it's simply different.
The second group I met with consisted of twelve of my high school classmates—the Class of '83! If you're calculating, that's forty years ago. Why does a unique connection persist with those we graduated high school with whom we see only every ten years at class reunions? We were once strangers who spent four years together many years ago. Nonetheless, those memories remain vivid in my mind. I cherished high school and the fortunate friendships I had during those formative years. While I understand that high school can be challenging for many, my experience was generally positive. Fond memories arise when I think of state tournaments, Friday night football games, dances, and cruising up and down Main Street. Our conversation touched on the past and prompted laughter, but mostly, we caught up on life. We simply enjoyed each other's company. I probably won't see most of these people for another decade, and I believe we're all content with that. The magic of sharing high school experiences. I could delve into a deeper psychological analysis of why these relationships endure, but I won't burden you with that. I'll just smile and move forward.
I also spent a wonderful four hours on the golf course with three guys I used to coach and teach with when we resided in South Dakota. Back in those days, there was a small group of us who spent numerous waking hours together. We would meet after basketball and football games to decompress and have a few laughs. I consider these guys as very special friends from those days. Throughout my life, my closest relationships have consistently been with my work colleagues. Likely because my work consumed most of my waking hours. Teaching and coaching were my focus, filling my days. This particular day, the four of us chatted between golf shots. Our conversations weren't necessarily profound, just four buddies spending time together. There was some sort of magic that day as I played my best round of golf in twenty years. Perhaps it was the companionship. It was simply a group of friends enjoying one another's company. I attempt to connect with these guys on our visits to South Dakota. They remain some of my closest friends and hopefully will always be.
The highlight of the trip was spending an entire week with my parents! Our mornings were filled with casual conversations over cups of coffee, often accompanied by Gunsmoke, Mash, and a bit of CNN. We also delved into life discussions about the future. I updated them on my day-to-day life and the new business venture. They informed me about family and their daily schedule. These were the kinds of conversations that rarely occur during holidays when there's a crowd and everything remains somewhat superficial. This time, I could truly spend quality time with my mom and dad. It was quite special! As we all age, I realized during our last morning together that this might never occur again. This realization didn't bring melancholy; instead, it brought a smile to my face. I was simply enjoying precious moments with my mom and dad.
So, returning to the Bon Jovi song, while we may never be able to revisit home in a literal sense, for ten days in the summer of 2023, I DID!"