CHOICES

I am the one responsible for my choices. True or False?

I believe many people resist taking ownership of their choices. There are countless reasons why we fail to take responsibility for our decisions, but the most common is that it’s always easier to blame our circumstances. Psychologically, our brains attempt to protect us by justifying why things don’t go our way. To shield ourselves, we often place blame on external factors instead of owning up to our role in the situation. Unfortunately, when we do this, we give up our power and hand it over to others.

Let’s consider a few scenarios:

Why didn’t I get that job?

Maybe you didn’t get the job because you lacked the required experience or skills. Perhaps your energy during the interview was lacking because you were up all-night caring for a sick spouse. Or maybe, someone else was simply a better fit for the company.

Why did William’s dad disrespect the principal today?

Maybe William’s dad was upset because he had just lost his job the day before. Perhaps he had just learned that his youngest daughter has cancer. Or maybe he was having a bad day and reacted poorly when confronted with William’s poor attitude in class. It’s possible he expected the school to solve a problem they’d been struggling with at home.

Why doesn’t the coach play my daughter more?

Maybe your daughter has been late to practice four times in the last two weeks because she’s been hanging out with her boyfriend after school. Perhaps she hasn’t been giving her best effort in practice or doesn’t bring positive energy to her teammates. Or maybe there are simply eight girls who are currently better players than she is.

In each of these situations, our initial response is often shaped by an inward, emotionally driven perspective. We tend to focus on our own rationalized version of events rather than considering alternative explanations. This happens because we often “react” emotionally rather than “respond” thoughtfully. Has anyone ever told you to think before you speak? Me too. There’s a good reason for that advice—it takes maturity and experience to put it into practice.

Have you ever really thought about the choices you make every day? These choices shape the direction of our lives.

I’m not here to claim that I’ve always taken responsibility for my actions. I’ve had my moments of blame-shifting. As a former coach, I can recall storming off courts feeling malice toward the officials. None of us are perfect. But as a “work in progress,” I’ve been striving to improve my responses. We all have moments of weakness when it comes to reacting.

Here are a few reasons to rethink how we view our past and present choices:

1. Not taking responsibility for our choices gives others power over our successes and failures. Do you really want to hand over control of your life to someone else? I’m betting you don’t.

2. Waiting for life to happen to you is not fulfilling. If you’re never in the driver’s seat of your own life, where will your joy come from? Many things in life are beyond our control, but does that mean we shouldn’t take the initiative to shape our own destiny? Not every attempt will be successful, but refusing to try ensures that we relinquish the chance to make life better.

3. Taking responsibility increases your sense of joy and self-worth.
When you take ownership of your actions, your self-concept improves. Angry, unhappy people often blame others for their problems. Conversely, those who own their decisions tend to find more fulfillment in life. We may not always like the outcomes, but at least we were in control of our actions and thoughtful in our responses.

I submit to you that no one wants to feel like a victim. By giving away your choices and placing blame on others, you inadvertently put yourself in a victim’s role. But I believe we’re all better than that.

You always have a choice. You may not like the options, but they exist.